If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
