you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
