I looked at my own cervix.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
