I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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