can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
