he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
