I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
