Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
