you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
