he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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