I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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