Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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