No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
