don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
