I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
