last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
