Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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