we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
40s are totally the cure
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
