just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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