i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
