This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
