i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize