The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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