NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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