Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i love accidental penises.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
