I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
