Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
