goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
