I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My ass is underappreciated
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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