I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
