I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
