I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
