i can't believe i had my finger in that
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
