I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
