Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
