I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
