Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
