Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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