hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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