can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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