Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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