There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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