p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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