you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
