He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
