he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
