i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
