good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
