Barsexuality is the new black.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we should paint friendship bongs
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