my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they're like a gay fantastic four
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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