she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
