My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
