you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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