After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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