addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
