the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize