Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
