I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You took a bar mat shot.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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