Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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