I wannas sexs uuuuu
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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